in valencia

i'm in valencia for a week after having been at akashavana for the ordination period of the 3 month retreat where 17 women became dharmacharinis. they were from 6 different countries. the retreat is going very well and when we (the preceptors) left they were about to enter a silent phase of more intensive meditation. then they will have a period of 'order induction' and end their retreat with study on the bodhicaryavatara, santideva's wonderful mahayana poem which mixes poetry, metaphysics and practical advice. so, they'll leave the mountain on that note - focussed on the altruistic dimension of their practice and the fact that the world will benefit from more dharma practitioners.

i arrived here in valencia on thursday night. quite a contrast from the tranquility of akashavana! valencia is a busy noisy city and i'm staying in a flat belonging to a dear friend -- right on a busy road. also it's hot and humid unlike the nights on the mountainside which are fresh and even to my mind (or body) cold. took a bit to adjust. of course having lived in valencia for over 12 years it is certainly familiar. friday i spent most of the day with guhyapati who had come down from eco-dharma centre inthe pyrenees to meet with mahamati and i. the three of us have been working together on the programme for the european order convention later in the summer. we met for lunch and then wandered around and sat in a peaceful square catching up and talking about all sorts of things. then we met with mahamati (on his way to guhyaloka) and had a really enjoyable and productive meeting and supper together. it worked really well that all three of us could be in valencia together. more satisfying than skype though i don't knock skype at all. it's one of my main ways of keeping up with people given my lifestyle.

on saturday i went to the fiesta in the new buddhist centre. this was to mark the end of the intensive 7 months of hard work on the renovation of the centre. it is fantastic. i'm so pleased for them. (click the title of this blog entry to go to their web page. it is in spanish but even if you don't read spanish you'll get a sense of it). it really is the venue we dreamed of for years- patios, various meditation / yoga spaces where there can be different activities, a 'cafe' area. the neighbours from upstairs had come along and it was delightful to see them sitting there -- 4 elderly valencianos really enjoying themselves and great to hear saddhakara eloquently thanking them for their patience and kindness during the reforms. i was 'presented' as the new president of the centre and had to make a wee spontaneous speech. just as well my spanish hasn't got too rusty.

on sunday i spent the day at the buddhist centre - the morning with the women mitras who have asked for ordination and the afternoon with the women's chapter.

since then i've been meeting up with people -- a lot of people - and talking - a lot! very enjoyable though tiring. it's been hot and humid and i'm not sleeping as well as i have been recently. it has been great to catch up with people. of course i've talked a lot about bhante's recent document to the order and community both in formal settings and in one -on -one conversations. that's been interesting and i've appreciated the opportunities as each time i talk about it i become a bit clearer myself.

today is my last day here for this trip. this time tomorrow i'll be on the euromed to barcelona and flying back to the uk in the afternoon. tonight i'm giving a talk at the centre but before that there's more people to see, train tickets to buy and a talk to think about.

back in the north - again!

hi all
i'm back in the northern hemisphere. india was pretty amazing though challenging - particularly organising the convention. went really well though.

loved sydney again and enjoyed the things i did there - talks, study day, order weekend, retreat. also visited new zealand for a long weekend where i went to an order weekend and also a meeting of some of the foks who are engaged in the work that reconnects down there. both really enjoyable.

got back last wednesday. hit the ground running as they say as i am pretty busy. one strange thing is im falling asleep by 10.30 or 11 p.m and am up and working by 5.30 a.m. not sure if this is jet lag (only symptom) or if i am a reformed character. only time will tell

hi from mumbai

hi all

i am in mumbai at prajnamata's flat en route to australia. sanghadevi and i travelled down from bodh gaya on a train with quite a few indian order members arriving last night after over 30 hours on the train.

the convention was a great success as far as i could tell. all the feedback i received was pretty positive and i am delighted that we held it in india --in bodh gaya. we started every day down at the bodhi tree and ended most days there too. so, a highlight was meditating and doing puja with over 500 members of the order by the vajrasana. will write a bit more soon, just wanted to say that it was very satisfying (though quite a feat of organisation).

travels

hi and bye for now. i am in london en route to india.

i got here on sunday and enjoyed spending time with dhammadinna.

yesterday and today i've been doing study with the karuna team in north london. i've really enjoyed that, we studied a tsongkapa text.

last night i went with karunagita to see the movie "milk". i thought it was excellent and sean penn's performance was brilliant. it was horrifying to realise that it's only 30 years since harvey milk was assassinated. little more than 30 years since it was illegal to be a homosexual in the usa (i know it still is in some parts of the world). 30 years ago someone could appear on the telly and use the terms bestiality, paedophilia and homosexuality in the same sentence as interchangeable terms! and that wasn't seen as that strange or worthy of censure. definitely worth seeing for anyone interested in gay rights - or indeed human rights.


then on wed i fly out to mumbai. yippee!!! i am really excited about going to india. i loved it so much last year. and also i'm excited and inspired about going to bodh gaya. i arrive in mumbai morning of the 12th feb and the evening of 12th i board the "kolkatta mail train" to gaya. 30 hours on the train. i've splashed out and booked 2AC which is second class air conditioned. train is scheduled to arrive at gaya at 3.30 a.m which i'm told is not a good idea but it will probably be late anyway. i'm being met and taken directly to the root institute at bodh gaya where i'm staying for a few nights. i'm hoping to get a fair bit of time with rocani who is working at root institute.

from the 18th i am at a different hotel for the preceptors college meeting and then straight into the convention. i have been pretty busy with the organising of this and i think we've got a good programme. anyway, just being there at the place of the buddha's enlightenment with almost 500 OMs will be tremendous i'm sure. i'll be busy there i reckon but i'm looking forward to it.

convention finishes on the 1st march and i take a train early morning of the 2nd back to mumbai. on the 4th i fly out to sydney and am in that part of the world until the 1st april when i arrive back at heathrow via singapore.

i'll try to write a bit on here during my travels.

burns night

happy burns day. today is the 250th anniversary of the birth of robert burns and i'm feeling a wee bit homesick for scotland. as a kid i grew up on irish and scottish songs and poems. in my house we had irish rebel songs and we celebrated burns suppers on 25th january. strange brew but not that unusual in glasgow.

we had burns celebrations at school and also in local community centres and, one that was always really good fun, the communist party HQ. burns was the darlin o the commies. especially "a mans a man for a that" we'd have that read and sung.

Then let us pray that come it may
[As come it will for a' that],
That Sense and Worth o'er a' the earth,
Shall bear the gree an a' that.
For a' that, an a' that,
It's comin yet for a' that,
That man to man, the world, o'er
Shall brithers be for a' that.

there's a ritual element to a burns supper. certain features that are always there. first the pipes (live if possible but not necessarily!), then someone dramatically reads the address to the haggis

"His knife see rustic Labour dight / an cut you up wi ready sleight, / Trenching your gushing entrails bright / Like ony ditch; / And then, O what a glorious sight, / Warm-reekin', rich!"

yuck, but anyway. then after the haggis had been addressed and attacked someone (often my da) would do the "immortal memory" which is a wee talk on burns's life and significance for today. the commies especially revelled in this and frankly would go on and on. i can only imagine some of that this year what with the collapse of global capitalism (!)

"Had i to guid advice but harkit, / I might, by this, hae led a market, / Or strutted in a bank and clarkit / My cash-account. / While here, half-mad, half-fed, half sarket / Is a' th' amount."

i think that's partly why his memory lasts so strongly. he's a poet whose work can be read and revelled in by the modern world. i think he'd have been thrilled to see obama elected and much in the inauguration speech and, especially, the benediction given by rev joseph e lowery would have resonated with burns' view of the world and cry for solidarity.
and there's the address to the ladies, the response from a lady - well whatever - and then songs, poems, dancing.

one of my favourite burns poems is "tae a moose(that's mouse)" here's the whole text

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

I'm truly sorry man's dominion,
Has broken nature's social union,
An' justifies that ill opinion,
Which makes thee startle
At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,
An' fellow-mortal!

I doubt na, whiles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!
A daimen icker in a thrave
'S a sma' request;
I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,
An' never miss't!

Thy wee bit housie, too, in ruin!
It's silly wa's the win's are strewin!
An' naething, now, to big a new ane,
O' foggage green!
An' bleak December's winds ensuin,
Baith snell an' keen!

Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,
An' weary winter comin fast,
An' cozie here, beneath the blast,
Thou thought to dwell-
Till crash! the cruel coulter past
Out thro' thy cell.

That wee bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,
Has cost thee mony a weary nibble!
Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,
But house or hald,
To thole the winter's sleety dribble,
An' cranreuch cauld!

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e'e.
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

he wrote this when he turned her nest up with his plough.

so, especially to scots the world over reading this

Ae fond kiss, and then we sever;
Ae fareweel, alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.
Who shall say that Fortune grieves him,
While the star of hope she leaves him?
Me, nae cheerful twinkle lights me;
Dark despair around benights me.

I'll ne'er blame my partial fancy,
Naething could resist my Nancy:
But to see her was to love her;
Love but her, and love for ever.
Had we never lov'd sae kindly,
Had we never lov'd sae blindly,
Never met-or never parted,
We had ne'er been broken-hearted.

Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest!
Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest!
Thine be ilka joy and treasure,
Peace, Enjoyment, Love and Pleasure!
Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!
Ae fareweeli alas, for ever!
Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,
Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee.

the inauguration

couldn't let it go by without some comment. i watched the inauguration on the telly at tiratanaloka with the other women public preceptors and the tiratanaloka community. it was such an historic moment -- as obama himself said, he was standing in an area where 60 years ago his father would not have been served in a local restaurant and here he was delivering his inaugural speech as the 44th president of the usa.
i was moved by some of his speech. although it was hard-headed and realistic (and designed to appeal to all) there were moments of eloquence and beauty. his call to all nations to work for peace together, his obvious inclusiveness, his determination to be a president for all, not just the favoured -- all of these inspired me.

but my heart was deeply moved by the benediction given by the rev. lowery, co-founder with martin luther king of the southern christian leadership conference. he quoted from the black national anthem "god of our weary years, god of our silent tears"

i hope obama's term of office can really make a difference in the world. i do believe he intends to do what he says - he seems an honest man - but the forces that will work against him are strong and willful. may he do well, may he help bring peace to our troubled world. the world watches

end of the year

well, 2008 is coming to an end and 2009 is coming fast towards us. it's been quite a year for me personally, and quite a year on the national and international fronts. credit crunches, obama's election, celtic are currently 7 points ahead of rangers in the spl. all sorts of interesting things happening. but no time to comment on all that,
personally, the first half of the year was difficult. i did write about it earlier in the year. during my travels i hit a difficult patch of memories from my childhood. i wrote very openly about that both here and in other situations - shabda for instance. i wonder now if i was a bit too open because it seemed to lead to a lot of people being very concerned for my health and well-being. well, that was nice of course and i appreciated it a lot. however, i think perhaps some people ended up more concerned tahn necessary and even perhaps in a bit of anxiety about me. let me share here something i wrote in a different context:
thank you so much for your concern. Actually I slightly regret having written so fully as I think I left myself open to misinterpretation. My health is absolutely fine. I had quite a difficult start to the year because I suffered what I described as PTSD (post trauma stress disorder). It was helpful for me to use that term because it described something which was happening to me at that time. I (as most of you know) had a very traumatic childhood, involving physical and sexual abuse as well as dealing with having a mother who had mental health problems. So, over all i reckon i am amazingly sane and well adjusted all things considered. Anyway, every now and again i need to deal with the fall-out from this. In the 1980s I had therapy which helped me to deal with the emotional, psychological results from this early conditioning. This time round it was more physical. I had been having some cranial osteopathy and the belief in this system of alternative healing is that physical trauma remains in the body (especially repeated trauma which mine was). I think the work I did on this at the beginning of the year "released" memories held in the body, which was very strong and tiring because I was sleeping very badly.
due to all this, I decided to cut short my world trip and (as we know) did not visit the USA nor Mexico. I had been traveling already for over 4 months (leading retreats, giving talks, leading order events and seeing people) and I was not sleeping and was dealing with these physical sensations. any of those things would have been challenging but all together proved too much even for someone with my energy and stamina. So, I decided to give myself a break and come home early. This was a very good move as it gave me 6 weeks unstructured time during which I had a solitary holiday on a scottish island and attended a wonderful meditation retreat which had a great effect on my practice. I did have a traumatic time I think because I had given myself the space to do that. This period of PTSD lasted until the late summer - around september I think. However from june onwards I was following a full schedule as well of teaching and centre visits etc. Though I struggled at times (mainly lack of sleep) I functioned fine and my physical health was absolutely fine. One good thing which has come out of this period for me has been learning better how to give myself gaps in things and take a bit more personal space within the busyness of my life). I am someone who will always live with the fact that I had a very traumatic childhood. That is my life, that is who I am and I know well how to deal with this.
So, while I appreciate your concern I do think that my health and energy is pretty good. In fact for someone in my late 50s and given the amount that I do I'd say it was very good.

so, end of quote. i share that here because i did share some of the stuff going on at the end of the year.

and now, near the end of the year i have been appointed (think that's how to put it) as international order co-convenor. this has been an ongoing theme since late spring when dayanandi decided to stop being women's order convenor of the west (i.e. outside india). i was approached to see if i was interested, as were some other women order members. the order was consulted and some chapters and some individuals responded. all were favourable to me taking the appointment though some had concerns about the process and some had concerns about me - while still thinking it was a good idea that i took it on. they were concerns around what had been going on earlier in the year (the above quote is from my response to a chapter expressing this concern). there were others around how much i already do, how busy i am and some around my tendency to irritability. fair cop really, all of them. anyway, i responded as best i could to the more personal ones and mahamati (the other convenor) responded to those about process. i do think we have work to do on this area of process and mahamati and i are keen to do that.

oh and i dyed my hair!

anyway, i must finish there as i have an appointment to see a genius! problems with ipod and macbook synching

happy new year to all when it comes.